I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
