Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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