thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
