Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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