69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
