Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
