If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
