i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
