Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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