Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
