i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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