ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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