I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
only if we run a train.
done.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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