I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
