Sponge bath it is.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
time to smoke my breakfast
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
