u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
