mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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