i think my tv is drunk
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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