Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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