My hair reeks of homosexuality.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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