this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
