none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
