forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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