glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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