I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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