I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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