I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
