I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
