Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
