I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...