remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.