you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
bring money and cleavage
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY