so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.