By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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