Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong