matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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