So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
