My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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