he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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