Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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