I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
