he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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