Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
