Nicole vs. Life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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