hell yes lets make some ravioli
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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