Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
