just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
