you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
