It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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