I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
