Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
