you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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