Got a toothbrush?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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