i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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