Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
