My room smells like vodka and shame
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
