so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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