I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
