When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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