and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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