Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize