Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
