He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
