I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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