I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
