I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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