I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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