Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
