Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were trust falling into bushes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
