My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
