Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
