so that wasnt chicken after all
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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