did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
