Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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