If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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