seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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