I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
