If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
