Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
