I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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